2.5.13

Sloane Dray Frandrup

2.5.13

5:47pm

7lbs 12oz

21"

You share a birthday with William Burroughs, Laura Linney, Jennifer Jason Leigh, and Bobby Brown.

Wow... another amazing birth. Although, this one stands far apart from my last for several reasons. Firstly, Jeremy and I decided to have you at home, so you are a home birth tale (right in our dining room... yummy)!
Secondly, I had several "false calls" in this pregnancy. I thought I was going into labor in early January and again mid-January... with Adrayn everything was more cookie cutter... with him labor was five minutes apart and that was that. This was much more sporadic.

During the night of 2/5 I awoke with some harmless cramps, but nothing horribly painful. That morning these "harmless" cramps/contractions started gaining speed and intensity so we decided to call our home birth midwife team (Trillium Midwifery). One of our midwives offered to stop by on her way to a couple appointments to check things out. Upon her arrival at 11am we found that I was dilated to 3cm, and my cervix was like butter, which I guess is a great thing! She offered to stay, but I told her that this could be awhile and we'd call her. Later that day, Jeremy called the midwives and they arrived to a bit more action at 3pm. At this point I was still in disbelief that you were actually on your way... two false calls will change a person, but I would state that actual "active labor" started around 3-3:30pm.
After the Trillium Midwife team arrived, contractions progressed VERY quickly, and by 4:15pm I was in the home birth tub that was in our dining room... at 5:40 my contractions turned to pushes... at 5:43 your little head was out and filled with the thickest black hair... then I stopped. I was never too great at the "transition" period and started to freak out internally... I tried not to show it, but I was losing it... I felt that I couldn't go any further. Then one of the midwives came up to the tub and in a quiet, calm voice said "breathe... you were made to do this"... that is all I needed. After a short pause I was back, and more importantly I was centered and ready to meet you. This is it... my last baby, my last "first vision" of the beauty that Jeremy and I create.
Here it goes.... 5:47pm, Sloane Dray Frandrup is born.

My beloved Jeremy was the "catcher" and boy did he do any amazing job! He was there when the contractions were few but I had gotten no sleep. He rubbed my heels for hours so that I could sleep before things kicked in. He rubbed my back when the contractions were so intense that I felt so alone until his large warm hands put pressure on my lower back. He had that pressure spot-on as well... it was magical how it took some of the pain away. Then, you... he saw you first. He touched you first... his daughter, his joy... his last baby. Once your head appeared Papa stated that it is the oddest sensation to just watch and wait... looking down at your progeny underwater staring back at you... your first reaction is to SAVE YOUR CHILD FROM DROWNING!! Well, no need... she was safely breathing through the umbilical cord still. So he patiently waited for her full body to slide through the birth canal with his guidance, then proceeded to pass her under the water towards my loving, yet exhausted embrace.

Wow... this was too smooth... were my thoughts... Wow... she is amazing, she is so beautiful... she isn't breathing?!
After a short period of confusion to Sloane's quiet state we decided to blow her a breath... she was more than fine I realize now. She just likes to hold her breath rather than cry we are seeing (something Jeremy also did as a newborn, and infant... odd?!). What a little heart stopper!

Since this is a home birth story I notice it is much more calm than my story with Adrayn at the hospital. No rushing us in any way... no constant interruptions... no "doing without explanation"... Everything was constant and calm this day.

After about 5 minutes of bonding in the birth tub we decided to head over to the couch (which was fully prepared with sheets and pads) to deliver the placenta. This process was also easier than with Adrayn. The whole time I am holding you, Sloane. Your eyes are open and you were quietly aware.
After the placenta delivery the midwives noticed that I was bleeding a tad too heavily for their liking (I lost two times the average blood loss with Adrayn, so we were all prepared for a hemorrhage). One midwife then decided to give me a shot of pitocin in order to contract the uterus quickly.
All in all I ended up losing the same amount of blood 750-800ml, BUT I did not feel the same exhaustion and pain that I did with Adrayn. I have also had a faster recovery... except for these darn cramps... those are worse round two, but I hear that is common.

After your placenta was delivered Jeremy and I were given a very informational "Placenta tour" and options of what to do with the placenta. I chose to have it encapsulated as it is supposed to assist with recovery and emotions.
You are such a great baby! So quiet and curious... you immediately latched on and we had no issues with feeding, so after a good meal we decided to tuck us into bed. This took approx one hour with the addition of a physical for baby & Mama, and then the midwives were out the door by 8pm!

What a perfect birth.. 3pm-5:47pm, then clean-up and physicals until 8pm... then we get to sleep in our OWN bed without being pestered all night?! We are SOLD on home birth for life!!!

The midwives came back immediately the next morning, and again day 3 and 7 to check on us... it was and literally is the best birth and post-birth story I could envision. I am so grateful to have had this as an option. Financially we would have paid the same for a hospital birth. I am so glad that I overlooked my initial fears with the hemorrhage and did a home birth... now I have had this amazing experience and Sloane has had the most calm birth.


I am smitten... we all are. Adrayn met you when you were 3 days old and he has already been such a great big brother stating "Mama. I want pick it up". You will soon meet your brother Parker and sister Presley, and Presley won the guess on your due date, so she gets to choose the take out for the night... Chinese it is! Ironically, we received a Chinese Food flyer in the mail the day you were born... meant to be, and what a sisterly bond already! :)

Well... I am sleepy. As quiet and calm as you are (unlike Adrayn's newborn colic self) I still find myself in need of sleep at night.
I love you my little girl. My love only grows daily every time I look into your eyes. You look just like your Papa. I am so blessed to have the amazing family that I do.
Life is good.

Mucho Love!

Post-due, Postpartum & PostAL

Well... here we are... still.

So many opinions, emotions, aches...

I know Sloane is on her way... well I guess I don't know, but can only hope. My mom has come and gone, and my mother in law is eagerly sitting on the sidelines ready to assist when needed.
I have been on maternity leave for almost 2 weeks now, and am looking at extending it as I haven't delivered a baby yet?!
I don't want to be giving a massage and... "Excuse me, I will right with you... I must change my diaper and cry"... I can only assume my clients would prefer I stay home and mend myself over this scenario.

In the meantime... I sit here. Everyone with baited breath... I feel like a walking bomb... I know everyone is waiting on Sloane, but ultimately must feel that on some level I have some control over the situation. I hear it all, and I have done it all... spicy food, walks, squats, sex, castor oil, eaten dates, sex, laugh, Clary sage, acupressure, massage, dance, and sex.... yes, MANY opinions, and YES... I have done them ALL (just because I didn't list it above doesn't mean I didn't try it)!

I hope HCMC was at least a week off with their guesstimate... my original due-date was 2/8/13, and then HCMC took an ultrasound and said "Heck no girl, you are 3 weeks further than you think!"... well, either that's true or the fetuses that Jeremy and I create are big growers. Adrayn was assumed to be 1 week further, but was born on the "original due date", and at 7.5lbs... not big by any means.

I want to meet you Sloane. I want to be your mama, and selfishly I don't want to be this uncomfortable anymore. My pelvic bone is broken, and where it used to be is a fatty mass of who knows what. I can still smile and say that I am somehow avoiding stretch marks... for the time being, anyways. Please let me have that one shred of happiness!

I am also realizing that as a society we do not embrace 40+ weeks of pregnancy... those that choose to remain pregnant, waiting for nature to take it's course, rather than induce. I know I have many vents above, and that this has been my "choice" to remain pregnant at this point... but I just want Sloane to come when she is ready ultimately... I want that to be NOW, but in the end, I want her to be fully-cooked and healthy. It isn't easy... this place of in-between.

“You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you, Peter Pan. That’s where I’ll be waiting.” -Tinkerbell

I love you all, and hope to be back to my sun-shiny-self in no time. I just need to have this baby and see her beautiful smile... and hold her (hopefully not 10lb) little, fragile body.
My little girl... my little Sloane.

Mucho Love!

Under Pressure

Wow, what a roller coaster this month has been... false labor New Years Day due to a stomach bug, then real labor starts yesterday and progresses steadily only to diminish after 4 hours.
I guess everything was just so timely with Adrayn's birth that I assumed this would go as smoothly. I thought that I'd "just know" like I did with him.
Today is Sloane's "due date" and here I sit in my living room, typing this blog... all of the kids are off to their mom's or Grandma's, a birthing tub is half filled in the dining room due to my latest false alarm, many family members calling/emailng curious to any updates that may be happening,  a moody husband trying to "make it happen" by any means he can control, my mom flying in today... and my anxieties are overloaded.  I am a people pleaser... I want to make everyone happy... Jeremy, Kids, Family, Midwives, and it has all taken over. This anxiety could very well be the culpret that is holding my body back from giving birth. So tense... so frustrated.
What am I not letting go of? Why won't Sloane just come? It would be one thing if she just didn't give me signs, but starting labor and having 3 midwives spend the night also in full belief that you are having a baby is just torture.
Maybe I was given this hand so that I would understand why some women choose to be induced? I am planning to stay the natural path, but I totally can see now what I did not with Adrayn. It is frustrating!
I know some of you may say "What's the big deal, your due date is today, be patient", well... as true as that is... it is a tad different when you throw in two false labors. It does change your mindset. It's like winning the lottery and then going to collect and realizing it was all a joke. However, in this case the lottery will come. If not, I will be known as the one woman on the planet that remains pregnant without ever birthing... and let's not put our minds there because that is just way too entirely depressing for me to imagine at this moment.
Sloane, Sloane, Sloane.... I know you will come when you are ready. Maybe this is your personality shining  through inutero letting me know that you will challenge me in life... or maybe it is a sign that I need to relax more in life and just let things happen as they will.
I know it's cozy in there, but it sounds like we both could work on letting go. ;)
Love you sweetheart, and I cannot wait to meet you!
-Mama

Sappy Seconds!

Dearest Daughter to-be,

The guilt is getting to me. I should know better... I myself am a second child.
Well honey... your Mama is sorry. I am so sorry that I haven't taken as many belly pictures, or that I haven't written as many blogs as I did with your brother's pregnancy.
Maybe this is where I get my self determination from, and where you will as well. Seeing only 5 belly pictures of your pregnancy when Adrayn has 50. You may be determined to prove something subconsciously like I do... or maybe it's just in our nature to challenge ourselves.

I must say in my defense that I am working (on my feet at that), in school full-time, and tending to 3 kids!!!  When I was pregnant with Adrayn I was working temp jobs and tending to your half brother and sister when they were with us. Which means that I did get breaks and nightly relaxing baths as well. :)

Thank goodness for your father!!!! If I had to do it all alone I would surely be in the nut house! He has taken on the challenge of feeding us all nutritious meals as he is so beautifully understanding of my lack of time to do so, and he lovingly gives your mama foot and back massages as requested. He may be tough at times, but in the end he is a softy with a huge heart... always wanting the best for his family.

You keep me motivated kiddo. Your little kicks push me to write that paper when I have NO energy left from giving 4 massages earlier that day... your hiccups remind me that you are a sweet little human baby girl that will soon light up my life with indescribable joy.  I must admit that I am a tad nervous to meet you... not in a bad way, but in a "My last baby" way. I know that I will not do this again... I know that I am done physically... but knowing that makes your birth all that more unique and special.

I will hold you so dear to my heart my little baby girl. You will be my last newborn diaper, my last breast feeding, my last swaddle. I may not be on top of your belly pictures and blogs, but I will sure as hell be on top my last baby's firsts. I will cherish you sweetheart... so don't you ever feel unloved, as there is an endless amount of love in your Mama's heart to go around.

Mucho Love, Sloane!

It's a deal.

Some days you need to stop and question why things happen the way they do. Really stop and just listen.
I did this today, and was greeted with the most beautiful awareness.
Love.

That is hopefully what every lesson leads to... in some form or another.
I have found this to be the ultimate goal in most of my life's journeys. The more difficult the journey, the more love received.

Such loves come in many forms... the immense and unwavering love that can only be the result of a relationship that has been tested through and through. The honest and pure love that only comes from the innocence of children. The concerned and supportive love that only dear friends and family know how to give as they know you best and how to deliver a smile or a hug when needed. Then, there is the new love that I was made aware of today. The love of a new friend. Someone that shares some commonality with you that combines all of the above, a certain perspective and compassion that is collective with few. I thank you for helping me to see this today, friend. You are one of the many loves that I have gained in this journey.
I am truly blessed for all of my loves. Even as I grow weary on certain days, I will always have room for the hope of love to grow.

Mucho Love!

Oh NO!

If you know me even somewhat well, you should hopefully be aware that I am a pretty decent and loving person. I like to see the bright side of life and not dwell on the negatives for any longer than to just acknowledge them and shoo them out the door.
I have had my ups and downs in life... and I keep rolling just like most of you. I speak my mind when I don't agree, but usually try to appreciate that I must maintain an open mind in all instances.

I write this knowing that you may not hold the same values in life that I do, or even agree with mine, but to me, this is one of those instances that is close to my heart. I believe we are all created equal and I will ALWAYS vote for equality.

I am writing this as a human being... someone that expects you to live your life the way you choose and allow me the freedom to live my life the way I choose. We are not here very long in the grand scheme of it all, and I highly doubt our "earthly mission" is to judge others.
Please VOTE NO on the marriage amendment as well as NO to voter restriction this Tuesday, November 6th. Let's not limit someone's RIGHT to be who they are. You may not agree, but you have your life and your freedom, let's let every other human being be allowed the same. Let's be equal.

MUCH LOVE!!

Birth-DRAY!

What a lovely Birthday it has been.

I woke up this October 9th to the sweet kisses of my beautiful son... then to see that my husband had already taken it upon himself to start the morning before me... which isn't always the norm, but this morning was different. It was my birthday.

After the sweet kisses from Adrayn; Jeremy walked in the room bearing a gift. This shocked me as we aren't big on giving each other gifts. We are more givers of time and "doing" things like dishes, foot rubs, etc.
A tad surprised, yet grinning I opened the card first... such a beautifully written card which immediately filled my heart with joy! He loves me so much...  and I feel every ounce as I read his kind words.

Next I open the gift... two beautiful books inscribed with loving words. One is a book of love stories to read together before bed and the other a book on love. Completely thoughtful, and completely me.

After the impromptu gift, it was time for a delicious breakfast! Banana & Bacon pancakes with maple syrup!! Oh my goodness... if you have never had them... you must try! It is a flavor explosion that is indescribable! Salty, sweet, savory, and soooo comfortingly filling!


So many more wonderful and glorious things happened to make my special day... parental love with lunch at The Good Earth, friend love through facebook messages, and family love with calls. I was feeling everyone's love!
I appreciate everyone in my life and am happy to have made it another fabulous year with you all. Thank you, and let's do it all over again!!

Mucho Love!