Monday, February 4, 2013

Post-due, Postpartum & PostAL

Well... here we are... still.

So many opinions, emotions, aches...

I know Sloane is on her way... well I guess I don't know, but can only hope. My mom has come and gone, and my mother in law is eagerly sitting on the sidelines ready to assist when needed.
I have been on maternity leave for almost 2 weeks now, and am looking at extending it as I haven't delivered a baby yet?!
I don't want to be giving a massage and... "Excuse me, I will right with you... I must change my diaper and cry"... I can only assume my clients would prefer I stay home and mend myself over this scenario.

In the meantime... I sit here. Everyone with baited breath... I feel like a walking bomb... I know everyone is waiting on Sloane, but ultimately must feel that on some level I have some control over the situation. I hear it all, and I have done it all... spicy food, walks, squats, sex, castor oil, eaten dates, sex, laugh, Clary sage, acupressure, massage, dance, and sex.... yes, MANY opinions, and YES... I have done them ALL (just because I didn't list it above doesn't mean I didn't try it)!

I hope HCMC was at least a week off with their guesstimate... my original due-date was 2/8/13, and then HCMC took an ultrasound and said "Heck no girl, you are 3 weeks further than you think!"... well, either that's true or the fetuses that Jeremy and I create are big growers. Adrayn was assumed to be 1 week further, but was born on the "original due date", and at 7.5lbs... not big by any means.

I want to meet you Sloane. I want to be your mama, and selfishly I don't want to be this uncomfortable anymore. My pelvic bone is broken, and where it used to be is a fatty mass of who knows what. I can still smile and say that I am somehow avoiding stretch marks... for the time being, anyways. Please let me have that one shred of happiness!

I am also realizing that as a society we do not embrace 40+ weeks of pregnancy... those that choose to remain pregnant, waiting for nature to take it's course, rather than induce. I know I have many vents above, and that this has been my "choice" to remain pregnant at this point... but I just want Sloane to come when she is ready ultimately... I want that to be NOW, but in the end, I want her to be fully-cooked and healthy. It isn't easy... this place of in-between.

“You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you, Peter Pan. That’s where I’ll be waiting.” -Tinkerbell

I love you all, and hope to be back to my sun-shiny-self in no time. I just need to have this baby and see her beautiful smile... and hold her (hopefully not 10lb) little, fragile body.
My little girl... my little Sloane.

Mucho Love!


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