Wow, what a roller coaster this month has been... false labor New Years Day due to a stomach bug, then real labor starts yesterday and progresses steadily only to diminish after 4 hours.
I guess everything was just so timely with Adrayn's birth that I assumed this would go as smoothly. I thought that I'd "just know" like I did with him.
Today is Sloane's "due date" and here I sit in my living room, typing this blog... all of the kids are off to their mom's or Grandma's, a birthing tub is half filled in the dining room due to my latest false alarm, many family members calling/emailng curious to any updates that may be happening, a moody husband trying to "make it happen" by any means he can control, my mom flying in today... and my anxieties are overloaded. I am a people pleaser... I want to make everyone happy... Jeremy, Kids, Family, Midwives, and it has all taken over. This anxiety could very well be the culpret that is holding my body back from giving birth. So tense... so frustrated.
What am I not letting go of? Why won't Sloane just come? It would be one thing if she just didn't give me signs, but starting labor and having 3 midwives spend the night also in full belief that you are having a baby is just torture.
Maybe I was given this hand so that I would understand why some women choose to be induced? I am planning to stay the natural path, but I totally can see now what I did not with Adrayn. It is frustrating!
I know some of you may say "What's the big deal, your due date is today, be patient", well... as true as that is... it is a tad different when you throw in two false labors. It does change your mindset. It's like winning the lottery and then going to collect and realizing it was all a joke. However, in this case the lottery will come. If not, I will be known as the one woman on the planet that remains pregnant without ever birthing... and let's not put our minds there because that is just way too entirely depressing for me to imagine at this moment.
Sloane, Sloane, Sloane.... I know you will come when you are ready. Maybe this is your personality shining through inutero letting me know that you will challenge me in life... or maybe it is a sign that I need to relax more in life and just let things happen as they will.
I know it's cozy in there, but it sounds like we both could work on letting go. ;)
Love you sweetheart, and I cannot wait to meet you!
-Mama
I guess everything was just so timely with Adrayn's birth that I assumed this would go as smoothly. I thought that I'd "just know" like I did with him.
Today is Sloane's "due date" and here I sit in my living room, typing this blog... all of the kids are off to their mom's or Grandma's, a birthing tub is half filled in the dining room due to my latest false alarm, many family members calling/emailng curious to any updates that may be happening, a moody husband trying to "make it happen" by any means he can control, my mom flying in today... and my anxieties are overloaded. I am a people pleaser... I want to make everyone happy... Jeremy, Kids, Family, Midwives, and it has all taken over. This anxiety could very well be the culpret that is holding my body back from giving birth. So tense... so frustrated.
What am I not letting go of? Why won't Sloane just come? It would be one thing if she just didn't give me signs, but starting labor and having 3 midwives spend the night also in full belief that you are having a baby is just torture.
Maybe I was given this hand so that I would understand why some women choose to be induced? I am planning to stay the natural path, but I totally can see now what I did not with Adrayn. It is frustrating!
I know some of you may say "What's the big deal, your due date is today, be patient", well... as true as that is... it is a tad different when you throw in two false labors. It does change your mindset. It's like winning the lottery and then going to collect and realizing it was all a joke. However, in this case the lottery will come. If not, I will be known as the one woman on the planet that remains pregnant without ever birthing... and let's not put our minds there because that is just way too entirely depressing for me to imagine at this moment.
Sloane, Sloane, Sloane.... I know you will come when you are ready. Maybe this is your personality shining through inutero letting me know that you will challenge me in life... or maybe it is a sign that I need to relax more in life and just let things happen as they will.
I know it's cozy in there, but it sounds like we both could work on letting go. ;)
Love you sweetheart, and I cannot wait to meet you!
-Mama
No comments:
Post a Comment