Well... here we are... still.
So many opinions, emotions, aches...
I know Sloane is on her way... well I guess I don't know, but can only hope. My mom has come and gone, and my mother in law is eagerly sitting on the sidelines ready to assist when needed.
I have been on maternity leave for almost 2 weeks now, and am looking at extending it as I haven't delivered a baby yet?!
I don't want to be giving a massage and... "Excuse me, I will right with you... I must change my diaper and cry"... I can only assume my clients would prefer I stay home and mend myself over this scenario.
In the meantime... I sit here. Everyone with baited breath... I feel like a walking bomb... I know everyone is waiting on Sloane, but ultimately must feel that on some level I have some control over the situation. I hear it all, and I have done it all... spicy food, walks, squats, sex, castor oil, eaten dates, sex, laugh, Clary sage, acupressure, massage, dance, and sex.... yes, MANY opinions, and YES... I have done them ALL (just because I didn't list it above doesn't mean I didn't try it)!
I hope HCMC was at least a week off with their guesstimate... my original due-date was 2/8/13, and then HCMC took an ultrasound and said "Heck no girl, you are 3 weeks further than you think!"... well, either that's true or the fetuses that Jeremy and I create are big growers. Adrayn was assumed to be 1 week further, but was born on the "original due date", and at 7.5lbs... not big by any means.
I want to meet you Sloane. I want to be your mama, and selfishly I don't want to be this uncomfortable anymore. My pelvic bone is broken, and where it used to be is a fatty mass of who knows what. I can still smile and say that I am somehow avoiding stretch marks... for the time being, anyways. Please let me have that one shred of happiness!
I am also realizing that as a society we do not embrace 40+ weeks of pregnancy... those that choose to remain pregnant, waiting for nature to take it's course, rather than induce. I know I have many vents above, and that this has been my "choice" to remain pregnant at this point... but I just want Sloane to come when she is ready ultimately... I want that to be NOW, but in the end, I want her to be fully-cooked and healthy. It isn't easy... this place of in-between.
“You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you, Peter Pan. That’s where I’ll be waiting.” -Tinkerbell
I love you all, and hope to be back to my sun-shiny-self in no time. I just need to have this baby and see her beautiful smile... and hold her (hopefully not 10lb) little, fragile body.
My little girl... my little Sloane.
Mucho Love!
So many opinions, emotions, aches...
I know Sloane is on her way... well I guess I don't know, but can only hope. My mom has come and gone, and my mother in law is eagerly sitting on the sidelines ready to assist when needed.
I have been on maternity leave for almost 2 weeks now, and am looking at extending it as I haven't delivered a baby yet?!
I don't want to be giving a massage and... "Excuse me, I will right with you... I must change my diaper and cry"... I can only assume my clients would prefer I stay home and mend myself over this scenario.
In the meantime... I sit here. Everyone with baited breath... I feel like a walking bomb... I know everyone is waiting on Sloane, but ultimately must feel that on some level I have some control over the situation. I hear it all, and I have done it all... spicy food, walks, squats, sex, castor oil, eaten dates, sex, laugh, Clary sage, acupressure, massage, dance, and sex.... yes, MANY opinions, and YES... I have done them ALL (just because I didn't list it above doesn't mean I didn't try it)!
I hope HCMC was at least a week off with their guesstimate... my original due-date was 2/8/13, and then HCMC took an ultrasound and said "Heck no girl, you are 3 weeks further than you think!"... well, either that's true or the fetuses that Jeremy and I create are big growers. Adrayn was assumed to be 1 week further, but was born on the "original due date", and at 7.5lbs... not big by any means.
I want to meet you Sloane. I want to be your mama, and selfishly I don't want to be this uncomfortable anymore. My pelvic bone is broken, and where it used to be is a fatty mass of who knows what. I can still smile and say that I am somehow avoiding stretch marks... for the time being, anyways. Please let me have that one shred of happiness!
I am also realizing that as a society we do not embrace 40+ weeks of pregnancy... those that choose to remain pregnant, waiting for nature to take it's course, rather than induce. I know I have many vents above, and that this has been my "choice" to remain pregnant at this point... but I just want Sloane to come when she is ready ultimately... I want that to be NOW, but in the end, I want her to be fully-cooked and healthy. It isn't easy... this place of in-between.
“You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you, Peter Pan. That’s where I’ll be waiting.” -Tinkerbell
I love you all, and hope to be back to my sun-shiny-self in no time. I just need to have this baby and see her beautiful smile... and hold her (hopefully not 10lb) little, fragile body.
My little girl... my little Sloane.
Mucho Love!
No comments:
Post a Comment