Until it happens to you.

It's hard not to notice all of the pain on my news-feed.

Let's all just stay safe.. let's just keep moving and it won't affect us... right?

WRONG.

I was asleep to it all, well most of it, I admit. 

Then one sunny day I'm pulling my son's blue body out of a pool.

He must have had a seizure to end up in there so quickly and without a fight. 

My life changed. The next year was riddled with Doctor appointments, and depression.

IT HAPPENS.

Loved ones die, children get horrible diseases, people kill, and people stand by and do nothing.

Which one are you? You have a choice. You ALWAYS have a choice. 

Me... I will choose love. I will help my fellow man. 

This is the world I WANT for myself and my children.

So, this is what I will promote.

THIS moment.

I started this blog to document my pregnancy with Adrayn. It has grown to be so much more. I am not timely in my writings... as I truly only write when I feel the need to. From time to time I will reflect back on older posts, as it can be a beautiful reminder of how much I've grown.

25 Weeks Pregnant with Adrayn

This blog was named "electrobabymama" as a joke. I was documenting my pregnancy via the internet... and the name was born from that. Looking back, it seems oddly fitting as I am the mother to a child whom has Epilepsy: aka wild electric storms in his brain. What a wild journey this blog has been. The most beautiful, and difficult times of my life. I hope this blog marks another story of beauty.

I was going to wait to write this, but I cannot live in fear, and the moment has struck me now. Now, I live for the moment.

Friday. 
THIS Friday, Adrayn will be ONE YEAR seizure-free.
I honestly never knew this was a possibility when I was in the thick of it.
I was almost resigned with this new way of anxiety-ridden life. A life of helplessness.

I am still coming to grips with the precious moments lost to seizures, and depression. Moments lost with an infant girl due to many overnights in the hospital. Moments lost to a son that was in a deep haze, post-seizure. There were many losses that year. Day by day, and moment by moment we made it through that hellish phase.

I cannot dwell too much in that year, or I it can be emotionally consuming. I will acknowledge how I have grown from it, and how I will begin each day with a grateful heart.

I have been more than fortunate with blessings this year. I know many respond with "You deserve these wonderful things"... and to that I say "Yes I do, but YOU do too!". This is something I am still in the beginning phase of learning, and will always hope to improve upon. I am stronger now, and the tools I have gained in my journey will only help me to persist, and succeed.

Let's look forward to a year of bliss and beauty. 

Mucho Love,

Mama Dray

Good Vibrations

Did I just massage Woody Harrelson?

How did I keep my cool? Why were my hands so steady?

Well... the more life I live, the more I feel that all is aligning in the way and "order" that it must for us to understand and grasp the lesson.

Last year at this time I was living in the moment... each minute holding my breath in hopes that my son would make it to the next minute without having a seizure. It was a hellish year that forced me (and my husband) to understand defeat more than ever. To know what it is to stand on the sidelines and have no control. 

Well, this August Adrayn will hit his ONE YEAR mark of being seizure free!

It all started when my husband's agent submitted him for a movie with Woody Harrelson. This sparked a thought in my head.. "I am going to meet Woody Harrelson". Then when that opportunity passed, my father received a call from his union buddy about a driving gig for the a film being shot here in the cities. Which again had me thinking... Yep, here it is again... "Hello Woody!". From there I think fate had some play... it was fate that my dad stood overlooking the city of Saint Paul  while  setting up a set and his buddy called him over to  chat with Woody... they had a nice human to human chat about Bob Dillon... and fate that said movie stars' Massage Therapist (or as Woody calls me Masseuse) cancelled on him, and that I went to school in my 30's to change my whole career path to become a Massage Therapist.... ahh... all aligning...

I will acknowledge it all. I openly and graciously accept this amazing gift that my dad, and the universe sent me.

It is here to show me something.

Am I THAT amazing of a massage therapist? Am I super personable and awesome to be around? 

Well... I'd like to think so, but maybe it's more...

Maybe this is all happening to show you how accessible it all truly is. 

Tap in. 

Listen.

Align. 

Allow.

You deserve it. 

On a side note... thanks Dad. I'm so happy to hear the joy in your voice when you see how amazing this experience has been and that you made it happen. It is beautiful to know that you are finally being treated with so much thoughtfulness and love for all of your hard work and dedication.

You are the best Dad a gal could ask for. I am forever grateful. 

Mucho Love!

Next Stop, Normal and Perfect.

Yesterday marked one year of Adrayn's journey with the MN Epilepsy Group.

Jeremy and I have had our issues with this group in regards to not allowing Adrayn on the Ketogenic Diet initially because they thought it was too much work for us. Then after repeated harassment on my end, the Doctor submitted and allowed this to happen (months later). Then, our lives changed.

As part of the typical medical world, this clinic requests annual testing to make sure that Adrayn is staying on track with his learning, and that the seizures did not cause damage to him cognitively.

Well... his check-up was interesting... three hours of  testing for my little man, and endless questionnaires for Jeremy and I.
We literally filled out 3 pamphlets with 60+ questions that were all the same, but said differently. Why? Does the Doctor think he'll catch me in a lie? Then... we hit one question that still burns me.

"Is your child perfect in every way?"

Wow.. really? I like that Jeremy wrote "What does this even mean??" next to the question (one of the many reasons I love that man).

Anyhoo... Adrayn was just getting over a head cold, so I'm sure being forced for 3 hours to answer questions like: "Which picture has a boy", "Jump on one foot",etc. he was ready to hit the road.

As Adrayn was in one room, Jeremy and I were taken to another room where a Child Psychologist was updating us how he was doing on his tests.

"We want to make sure your son is normal, and that he can do the menial tasks that are needed in life. At this time he does not hold the attention span like a normal child would his age to do these "boring" jobs that we put in front of him."

Normal? Is it normal to do a task that has no purpose, just to please someone?

Jeremy's response:
"Our son is home schooled, and he will not be testing the same as the other children because he is taught differently... he leads us. This month he wants to learn about letters and numbers, so we are opening him to that world. We are not forcing him, he is asking."

That is the beauty of learning. Want... curiosity... it keeps us young. I am re-learning many things in my life through and with my children... and I love it!

Adrayn is far from any kid I have ever met, so I guess he's not "normal". He is truly unique in every way possible. He will never fit a mold, or be "perfect in every way". I love that about him... and I love that about everyone!

Mucho Love!