The Waiting Game

7/30/12

I write this blog knowing that it will not be posted for another couple months or so... waiting to tell the little ones the news. However, I cannot not write in the meantime as so much is happening in baby land!

I had an inkling that something was "amiss" when the kids came to stay in early June, but postponed verifying until they headed back to their moms. Well, the answer was YES as of early July! That month came and went with the kids and I scheduled a visit with the midwife after the kids headed back to their moms in July!
That brings me to my first ultrasound Doc appt, which was 7/30/12.
I was told that my pregnancy with you was 3 weeks further along than your Papa and I had originally thought!? How does that happen? Your Papa is even more on top of my girlie schedule than I am and he was guessing later than I was!

I guess you can already be pregnant while you have your period... or that it can take a cycle or two for your system to figure it out? Wow, that was a shock to me as I already have a child in which no such circumstance happened. Always time for new experiences I guess?!

Here I am ... just as impatient as I was the first time.

My brain has taken on a mind of it's own yet again with internal conversation such as "What will your sex be? Will you be healthy? How in the hell will Papa and I financially manage?!"
Well I am comforted by the fact that my parents raised my 2 brothers and I on less than or at least equal to what your Papa and I have, and they had us all in one room as toddlers. We never went out to eat or went on annual family vacations (except Disney World when I was 8) and we were the happiest of children... at least to my recollection... good job mom and dad... no traumatic childhood memories pouring out in adulthood. You must have done an okay job! :)


We had Adrayn at the HCMC Birth Center in 2010 via drug-free waterbirth, but this time we are looking to do something even more "natural". Papa and I are researching home births! I guess it is covered by most insurance companies these days and it also includes a birthing tub if you choose... the best part is that you get to sleep in your own bed!! I've also heard that the midwives start a load of laundry on the way out... ahh... sounds like the most relaxing birth in my book! Hopefully that is something that we can make happen!

It was wild... seeing your little ones fingers, and toes... arms moving... waving "hello" to the camera. You seemed so happy in there, and so at peace. I will in no way rush through any moment for the next to arrive.


8/19/12


Here I am 18 weeks pregnant and barely showing. Presley came and went without a clue, and here Parker is unaware of the big news to come this September. I wonder how they will take it?
Parker mentioned wanting another brother, so maybe that is a sign.

So much love to give and share! We have our last ultrasound in regards to sex on 8/27... not too far away! I can't wait for Papa to see you, little one!
Papa and I have also chosen to have you in our home. I am more excited to have a home birth after experiencing a hospital birth, and the clinical visits thus far in my pregnancy have left more to be desired. Also, our home is where Papa and I were married... were Parker learned to ride his bike, where Presley concocts her magical baked goods, and where Adrayn learned to walk. I cannot think of a better place to be brought into this world?!
We have so much to be thankful for. Life is truly beautiful.

9/18/12

Jeremy is off to get the kiddos and on the way home tell them the big news. I can only imagine how it will go down... I'm sure it will be a shock, but I think that the drive back will give them time to process their own feelings about it.

We had the "find out the sex" ultrasound, and final appointment with HCMC as we have now officially signed with a home birth midwife!! YAY!

We will be welcoming our little girl, Sloane Dray Frandrup this January with much anticipation!
We had our first "official" check-up with Emme and Clare at Trillium Midwifery this afternoon (our chosen home birth caregiver). Such an amazing team and an instant connection for Jeremy and I!

I feel so blessed to have such beautiful options!! Now, we just need to convince our Health Insurance Company that the $15-20,000 savings by going with a home birth (which includes all prenatal and postnatal appointments as well) is worth fully covering (fingers crossed)!!!

Average "natural" Hospital Birth w/ appointments = $20,000 - $30,000
Average "natural" Midwife Home Birth w/ appointments  = $3,500 - $6,000

In the meantime Jeremy and I are paying what we can, and knowing that this option will soon pay for itself with the beautiful memories it will create in our beautiful home.

Love you my little Sloane... I feel your little kicks and taps in my belly and know you are as your name describes... a warrior. :)

Finally... I can post this!!!


Life is grand, Mucho Love!

Kids have it all figured out.

Today will be filled with possibilities of greatness, and I will only choose to see the greatness in all that happens.Love can come from any moment.

A new year indeed!

Woah, what a year it has been...

Many things have happened, and are currently happening... some great, and others not so great, but they are changes nonetheless, and that takes some adjustment.

I feel very alive, and grateful for everything. I am now centered and much more in the present than I have ever been. I was given a choice... to make a change, or not. This change was not an easy path, but is the best change I have made yet!

I am now a sober person.... from all of my old vices... smoking, drinking, and negative people. It isn't easy to let these things go as they had become my comfort, but I did... and now I feel so free!!! Life is too short, I want to remember it!

Jeremy and I are now healthier than ever.. physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally... it's all quite beautiful actually. I just keep learning more and more, and am slowly transforming into this ultimate being... this person that I always knew was here, but wasn't ready to pop out.

I am now attending school for Massage Therapy, and have already booked a few appointments (and they just keep coming!) at a nicely discounted student rate. I think that this is totally the job and lifestyle for me.

It is also refreshing to be surrounded by loving friends that are also into a healthier lifestyle. It helps to have people to share this new world with!

I love you all, and do plan to still write in here. 

It has been a rough road, but now I am off of that road and running in the field with the daisies. 

MUCHO LOVE!

A love letter.... to me!

 
I noticed in my blogs that I'm loving everyone else.... but it's time Mama Dray gives herself a little lovin!
I'm pretty damn awesome if I must say so myself.
I am an amazing mom, wife, creative thinker, inspiration, cook, motivator, lover, baker, friend, smiler, biker, gardener, dancer, recycler, bed-time story teller, seamstress (because I don't want to call myself a sewer), writer, masseuse, joker, and ........ person! Whew!
 

I have such a vibrant loving personality that hopefully shines onto everyone I meet!

I'm happy to know all of you, and blessed to have you all in my life.
Let's all take a deep breath and love ourselves. We are pretty awesome, aren't we?!

Mucho love to us all!

Pour ma chérie : trois

There you are. Frozen in time in the pictures below.
The loving father, the adoring husband, the friend. You have so many roles, so much to be loved and appreciated for. You love, you teach, you learn, you grow, you share, and so much more.

You are such a beautiful father. Loving, nurturing, and inspiring to your children and others. You seem to have certain kind of  magic with little minds.
I am so grateful to have you in my life, and to share this earthly experience with you and our beautiful family.

 

I can't help but to feel mushy when I think of you, of us. Of all that we have been through, the good and the not so good . We have come to this day... the present, with such a fresh love for one another.

Just one look and I fall in love with you all over again.

It's always those little moments. The ones where you hold my hand, buy a book that you know I'll love, kill all the centipedes even though you feel they are "good" around the house, change that extra dirty diaper, kiss me for no reason, and most of all, when you just always know how to make me laugh. The loud belly kind of laugh that only you know.
Thank you love. For all that you do, all that you are, and what you have yet to show me. I look forward to the road ahead, but think I'll stick to the present so I don't miss a single moment of it along the way!!!

Je t'aime.

xoxo

-Wifey
1|11|11

Daily Meditations

I have always tried to be aware in my life. In the present. This hasn't always been so easy.
I tend to look forward to something in the future, or I get upset about something I should have done differently in the past.... it could go on forever.
Lately though, I have much to be thankful for. I am, in a sense being forced to be aware.

Life is so much more calm, and beautiful from here.

It is a difficult path in the sense that I am constantly checking myself, but I believe it will pay off immensely once the habit forms.
I love this path as it promotes healthy relationships not based on any assumptions.
I can now see with my new eyes and everything is much clearer and simple.

Mucho Love!

Emergency: A Mama's take

A feeling, a sight, a sound.... everything I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy happens to mothers daily... and it happened to me on Sunday 8/21/11.

Jeremy, myself and the whole kitten caboodle (Parker, Presley, and Adrayn) went to visit their cousin for her baptism party. All was great and after consuming a delicious meal a family friend asked if I was interested in a walk around the neighborhood. Since I ate a hearty helping I was more than happy to join.

About 15 or so minutes into the walk I was met on the street by my mother in law. She stated that Adrayn had a fall and that there was some blood... something that may need a few stitches.

Once getting back to the home to meet Jeremy and Adrayn I noticed that this wasn't anything minor in my book, but appreciate the calmness my mother in law may have intended. I was shocked. My little beautiful baby boy's lip was split in two. He was in a daze and just looking at my reaction ready to cry again... I had to grab my purse and go, go, GO, NOW!
I did so, it was all a blur. I grabbed Adrayn and hopped in the back seat holding him as Jeremy started for the freeway. It seemed to take 5 hours to drive 20 minutes. My child's lip is hanging, just bleeding and dangling there... I want to throw up, but we have to get him there, where? Which hospital....? Which is closest....?
We found Children's on Chicago and Lake... that was a good call as it was made for kids.
We show up... it takes 2 more hours before he even has numbing gel placed on his dangling lip... I am sick.
I can't be there like I wanted to be. I was still in shock, 2 hours later... how? Am I here? Is this real? Why can I see the inside of my son's lip... why is he sucking on it? How can I make him stop so it doesn't get worse or make him cry more?

When they placed the stitches Jeremy held Adrayn and I was by his feet humming, and kissing his toes as I was too hurt to see them stitch his lip. I am such a bad mother... that's all that I thought.... what mother doesn't take him away from all this pain..... this was hell. I would no doubt trade this moment to give birth all over...  no doubt.

I know a torn lip isn't life or death, but when your child is in pain... especially in a pain that you yourself have never felt or seen.... it is something monstrous that no one should ever go through.
Thank you Jeremy for holding our son when I couldn't. Thank you suture nurse for loving my son as if he was yours, and calming me as if I was you. Thank you Jamie, Sandy, Joanie, Trudy, and Gordon for watching Parker and Presley in this time of need.
These are the moments that ALL parents dread.


I love you Adrayn. I am more than elated that you awoke the very next morning jumping on the bed, and laughing. I am more than ecstatic that you smiled more than you have ever before with your swollen lips and stitched up mouth. You are my champion, my brave boy. I have so much to learn from you, but please... just please stop dancing on chairs, running around the house, and climbing on everything... Mama has had enough for one lifetime. Who needs a work out video/routine when you have a dare devil child to chase all day?!

All eight stitches come out Friday 8/26/11 via my mom the nurse. A much more appreciated face than those people in the blue coats. Also, this will be done in his home which is filled with love. No more anxiety for us anytime soon hopefully!

Mucho Love.
Mama