I had the following entry as a draft since 6/2/2015. It felt appropriate to share at this time.
Today I heard a comment... a sentence was said that dug deep... it dug so deep that it shook me to my core, and rattled the skeletons that lie deep in my cellar. Skeletons that are now exposed... painful memories that I have shoved back to the far reaches of my dusty memory rattled.
Adolescence.. a time to learn, grow, be obnoxious, and do "stupid" things.
Well, sometimes a bad decision can lead to horrific and unwarranted outcomes. This is one of the first traumatic experiences that I have encountered in my life... and it was not only that experience, but the reactions that followed that have shaped me into, well, the "me" I am today.
When I was 19 years old I was raped... actually twice within a 6 month time-frame.
Both incidents were completely different as they were different facets of my life (friends/work), but both had one major commonality.
Alcohol.
Why do we drink? Relaxation... acceptance... escape... or just to let go if for only a brief moment.
Oh my goodness, it wasn't easy being a teen... growing into the mold that lies ahead, or rebelling against it all. I wouldn't relive that phase of my life if given the opportunity.
I don't speak much of these past incidents these days. It is a piece of me that I keep to myself, and tried to bury deep as it was always interpreted as a shameful moment.
No more.
As I get older I see that strength is not loud voices, and strong hands, but more exposed weakness, and vulnerability.
It takes so much more strength to share how afraid we truly are... deep down... and to me exposing that is true strength.
We all stories, rape, divorce, illness, death... all of these join us together. They bond us into a club that no one wants admission to.
Throughout our life we strive to be accepted, and loved. To gain community, family, and togetherness.
I write this in hopes to create this feeling, and make a harsh topic one that can be discussed.
I want my daughters to know this topic before it could become a reality. I want them to hear my story in hopes that it will prevent them from going through the same.
Today I heard a comment... a sentence was said that dug deep... it dug so deep that it shook me to my core, and rattled the skeletons that lie deep in my cellar. Skeletons that are now exposed... painful memories that I have shoved back to the far reaches of my dusty memory rattled.
Adolescence.. a time to learn, grow, be obnoxious, and do "stupid" things.
Well, sometimes a bad decision can lead to horrific and unwarranted outcomes. This is one of the first traumatic experiences that I have encountered in my life... and it was not only that experience, but the reactions that followed that have shaped me into, well, the "me" I am today.
When I was 19 years old I was raped... actually twice within a 6 month time-frame.
Both incidents were completely different as they were different facets of my life (friends/work), but both had one major commonality.
Alcohol.
Why do we drink? Relaxation... acceptance... escape... or just to let go if for only a brief moment.
Oh my goodness, it wasn't easy being a teen... growing into the mold that lies ahead, or rebelling against it all. I wouldn't relive that phase of my life if given the opportunity.
I don't speak much of these past incidents these days. It is a piece of me that I keep to myself, and tried to bury deep as it was always interpreted as a shameful moment.
No more.
As I get older I see that strength is not loud voices, and strong hands, but more exposed weakness, and vulnerability.
It takes so much more strength to share how afraid we truly are... deep down... and to me exposing that is true strength.
We all stories, rape, divorce, illness, death... all of these join us together. They bond us into a club that no one wants admission to.
Throughout our life we strive to be accepted, and loved. To gain community, family, and togetherness.
I write this in hopes to create this feeling, and make a harsh topic one that can be discussed.
I want my daughters to know this topic before it could become a reality. I want them to hear my story in hopes that it will prevent them from going through the same.
